


Of faith, and trust

by bellasong



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 08:21:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellasong/pseuds/bellasong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day they first met, she came into that Library knowing everything about him, knowing more than he’d ever want anyone to know.<br/>He was the one experiencing that now. He'd had to trust her, and is there was one thing he trusted in life it was River Song. He could only hope she'd trust him that same way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of faith, and trust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lullabyforpi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabyforpi/gifts).



> So this is a gift to my friend Mary, who actually gave me this plot. Dear tween, this is for you! <3 Thanks for the plot, sorry it took so long.
> 
> Also thanks to Miriah for beta reading and giving the title and the summary, thanks love!
> 
>  
> 
> The fic is set after The God Complex, before TWORS.

The Doctor leaned against the console after he set the TARDIS on it’s course; Stormcage Containment Facility, the coordinates to that place were carved forever into his mind. Ever since he’d left Amy and Rory safe at their home, he started visiting their daughter at the prison quite often.

He was traveling alone, having someone all the time with him was more dangerous that he could stand, but River... She was different. Not because she was human plus and the Child of the TARDIS, but because she was her. That impossible, infuriating woman who had waltzed into his life only to drive him mad. Truth be told, he felt like he couldn’t stay away from her anymore.  
The day they first met – in his timeline at least - she came into that Library knowing everything about him, knowing more than he’d ever want anyone to know.

When she waved his screwdriver with that smug grin he knew that either he was in so very much trouble, or she'd be extremely important to him. Not to mention when she whispered his name in his ear. That meeting was the biggest spoiler.  
To his younger self, she was a complete stranger and when she had sat in that chair he had been so outraged with the idea of her giving up her own life in exchange for his, he struggled, argued and did all he could to stop her. ‘Time can be rewritten’ he’d even said back then. Nevertheless, with a mutter of her favorite word she still put those wires together...

The Doctor clenched his fists hard enough to turn his knuckles white. He knew nothing back then, that must have hurt her so much and he’d never got the chance to make it right... But what could he have done? She was a stranger to him after all and... That day would hunt him for the rest of his life.

The next time he saw River, he realized how hard it was going to be to ignore what he’d seen in that Library, not to tell her to run away from that job with Lux. Then again, spoilers. For the first time he was walking in her shoes, forcing himself to stay quiet while she was smiling and having a picnic at Asgard with him. How could she stand the knowledge? What terrible things did she know about his future and couldn’t share? One thing was right: he’d never know.

Then he ran away from her and from the secret he had to keep, but he'd learned that he'd never be able to resist her. That 'Hello Sweetie' in Gallifreyan was proof. He stared at those green eyes again, so enticing and so alive, even though the ghost of the woman he saw dying still haunted him. But then he found out the first secret, she was in prison, had killed a man, and... It tainted her image, he had to admit and the hidden trust he hadn't even known he had.  
River had joked about he could or not trust her and he did, blindly even if all his instincts told him not too. He trusted her to bring his TARDIS and Romans to him when the Pandorica happened, just as that marvelous woman had said – so much for a fairytale.  
But when you're dealing with being 900 years old with a reputation of being the Oncoming Storm... Things might get complicated. As hard as he would try – and oh he did – he'd never be able to wipe from his mind the hurt look on her face when he rubbed his lack of trust in River's face. He closed his eyes, he could be such an idiot when he needed answers, but the truth was... He trusted her.  
Trusted, yes, more than he should, but even after he realized she was Melody – and nothing could compare to his happiness when she told him who she was  
and he realised that River hadn't betrayed his trust when she hadn't shown up. He hadn't known, she was right. Spoilers.

Way too many spoilers staining their relationship and trust from within, keeping the needed truths from the other, forcing them to lie over and over again to protect what they had, what they were hanging onto so tightly.  
He was the one experiencing that now, ever since Berlin. A younger River who didn't know anything, who had tried to kill him only to save him. Mixed signals all over and she didn't know a thing about him, because he couldn't tell. He asked himself if they would ever meet in the middle of their time lines, when both knew almost equally. He doubted it.

He thought he'd never know River completely, nor would she know him, so what was the point. Suddenly he turned a lever and the TARDIS stopped. What was the point? They wished they knew each other better, but would they? Any day? Young River didn't know, older River wouldn't say a word whatsoever... It was so frustrating. He wasn't sure about anything... Would he ever be?

Then again... There was one thing he was sure of: The way she looked at him, the way his stomach would flip inside of him every time he heard her say 'Hello Sweetie', how he would skip a beat or four of his hearts whenever her lips touched his, and how deep down he loved all things about her. The way her hair would work of it's own accord, how she'd bite her lip or how she'd disagree with each and every one of his ideas and sure she believed she could fly the TARDIS better than him, as if... So... Beyond all uncertainty, there was one thing he was sure of: He loved her. Bottom line, that was it. His hand curled against that same lever again.  
No matter the amount of uncertainty, they'd always have that and it shouldn't have been, but it was enough. He smiled and pulled the lever again, towards Stormcage, towards that maddening woman he happened to love.

**Author's Note:**

> “All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”  
> ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan


End file.
